Title: How to Strengthen Your Marriage
Scripture: Ecclesiastes 8:9 – 9:12
9 All this I saw, as I applied my mind to everything done under the sun. There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own[a] hurt. 10 Then too, I saw the wicked buried—those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise[b] in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless.
11 When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong. 12 Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, I know that it will go better with those who fear God, who are reverent before him. 13 Yet because the wicked do not fear God, it will not go well with them, and their days will not lengthen like a shadow.
14 There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. 15 So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.
16 When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe the labor that is done on earth—people getting no sleep day or night— 17 then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it.
A Common Destiny for All
9 So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no one knows whether love or hate awaits them. 2 All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad,[c] the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.
As it is with the good,
so with the sinful;
as it is with those who take oaths,
so with those who are afraid to take them.
3 This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. 4 Anyone who is among the living has hope[d]—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!
5 For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even their name is forgotten.
6 Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.
7 Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. 8 Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.
12 Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come:
As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so people are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them.
Message
To strengthen your marriage you must realize three things:
- Marriage is one of Satan’s favorite targets.
He was angry because Job’s family was a source of delight to God.
So, when your home is harmonious and blessed, he’ll try to attack it.
He wants to be the third party in your relationship, to agitate and disappoint, using your weaknesses.
He inspires unrealistic expectations and diverts your focus from servanthood to self-absorption.
He fuels your imagination through unhealthy relationships until God’s presence ceases to be the goal of your union and the prevailing atmosphere in your home.
Beware of his inroads and become protective over your family.
- Your mind-set determines your mood.
Thoughts have presence.
The moment someone walks into a room, you can sense conflict or contentment, jealousy or joy, etc.
Attitudes are contagious; like a thermostat, they determine the climate of your home.
One man noticed that certain TV shows nurtured a sexual restlessness within him, to the point where he found himself comparing his wife with the sensuality of the performers.
A woman identified the timing of unexplainable jealousy toward her husband after watching her favorite soap opera.
Every emotion has a birthplace, so be sensitive to any changes in your home environment and inner life. - Understanding comes by listening.
Love is about listening more and talking less.
Listen long enough for hidden emotions to be expressed.
Listen carefully enough to gain understanding.
Listen accurately so you can assess your mate’s true needs.
The questions you ask can reveal how much you care, so ask them softly and repeatedly, and pray and process before you respond.
That’s how to strengthen your marriage.
And now we have discovered some of the secrets to marriage, let’s see what else that Scripture tells us.
9 All this I saw, as I applied my mind to everything done under the sun. There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own[a] hurt.
10 Then too, I saw the wicked buried—those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise[b] in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 8:10)
This verse probably refers to how we quickly target the evil done by some people after they have died.
Returning from the cemetery, we praise them in the very city where they did their evil deeds.
11 When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 8:11)
If God doesn’t punish us immediately for sin, we must not assume that he doesn’t care or that sin has no consequences.
When a young child does something wrong and is not punished, that child will be much more likely to repeat the act.
Remember, God knows every wrong we commit, and one day we will have to answer for all that we have done. (Ecclesiastes 12:14)
12 Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, I know that it will go better with those who fear God, who are reverent before him. 13 Yet because the wicked do not fear God, it will not go well with them, and their days will not lengthen like a shadow.
14 There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless.
15 So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 8:15)
Solomon recommends the remedy for life’s unanswered questions: joy and contentment.
We must accept each day with its measure of work, food, and pleasure.
Let us learn to enjoy what God has given to refresh and strengthen us so we may continue His work.
16 When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe the labor that is done on earth—people getting no sleep day or night— 17 then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 8:16-17)
Even if he had access to all the world’s wisdom, the wisest man would know very little.
No one can fully comprehend God and all that he has done, and there are always more questions than answers.
But, the unknown should not cast a shadow over our joy, faith, or work because we know that someone greater is in control and that we can put our trust in Him.
Don’t let what you don’t know about the future destroy the joy God wants to give you today.
A Common Destiny for All
9 So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no one knows whether love or hate awaits them.
2 All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad,[c] the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.
As it is with the good,
so with the sinful;
as it is with those who take oaths,
so with those who are afraid to take them.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 9:2)
“The same destiny ultimately awaits everyone” means that all will eventually die.
3 This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. 4 Anyone who is among the living has hope[d]—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!
5 For the living know that they will die,
but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward,
and even their name is forgotten.
6 Their love, their hate
and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part
in anything that happens under the sun.
7 Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. 8 Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Solomon also wrote a proverb about marriage.
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
How sad it would be to be married and not appreciate or enjoy the companion God has given you.
10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 9:5,10)
When Solomon says the dead know nothing and that there is no work, planning, knowledge, or wisdom after death, he is not contrasting life with afterlife, but life with death.
After you die, you can’t change what you have done.
Resurrection to a new life after death was a vague concept for Old Testament believers.
It was only made clear after Jesus rose from the dead.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 9:7-10)
Considering the uncertainties of the future and the certainty of death, Solomon recommends enjoying life as God’s gift.
He may have been criticising those who put off all present pleasures in order to accumulate wealth, much like those who get caught up in today’s rat race.
Solomon asks, “What is your wealth really worth, anyway?”
Because the future is so uncertain, we should enjoy God’s gifts while we are able.
11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.
Reflection: (Ecclesiastes 9:10-11)
It isn’t difficult to think of cases where the fastest and strongest don’t win, the wise are poor, and the skillful are unrewarded with wealth or honor.
Some people see such examples and call life unfair, and they are right.
The world is finite, and sin has twisted life, making it what God did not intend.
Solomon is trying to reduce our expectations.
The book of Proverbs emphasizes how life would go if everyone acted fairly.
Ecclesiastes explains what usually happens in our sinful and imperfect world.
We must keep our perspective.
Don’t let the inequities of life keep you from earnest, dedicated work.
We serve God, not people (See Colossians 3:23)
12 Moreover, no one knows when their hour will come:
As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so people are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them.